Prophet Considerations

Back when Jesus walked the earth, would people say, “God Bless You!” when he sneezed?

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Do you think Jesus farted? I think in light of middle eastern cuisine, I believe he was a gassy guy. Plus he wore that robe, which meant they hung around a bit unless he shook them out.

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You don’t hear much about Jesus as a teenager. Was he the typical kid growing up? Hanging with his friends, you’d hear,

“Yo Jesus! Turn that water into wine again. Let’s party!”

Would he do it? Was he a party guy. He is from an area known for its opium and heroin. I bet he smoked weed. He’d be partying with his friends,

“Hey! Cmon man… pass it will ya? Why have you forsaken me?”

“Alright… keep your sandals on…. Jesus Christ!”

“Yes?”

“What?”

“You called me. You said Jesus Christ.”

“Actually I was swearing. It sucks your Mom named you after a swear.”

“My Dad said she was yelling my name in the stable while she was giving birth. It was a tough time. Ya know, her being a virgin and all.”

“Yeah. Everyone was talking about the “virgin” thing. Even your Dad must have wondered a bit.”

“Which Dad?”

“Oh right. There’s your current Dad Joseph. Then there’s your first Dad, God, who’s right hand you keep sitting on.”

“AT…. I sat AT his right hand, not “on” it. “

“Ok but let’s face it. We don’t know where you are from or who your parents are.”

“My parents are Joseph and Mary Christ.”

“But she was a virgin and he’s not God so how can they be your Mom and Dad.”

“ Er…. Umm…. It’s a miracle? Whatever, just pass the weed and frankincense.”

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Did Jesus have a middle name? We know the initial was “H” because I’d hear that often growing up. “

“JESUS H. CHRIST!!! Michael! What did you do?

Is that true? If so, what’s it stand for? Howard?

Horace? Herb?

Why would he need a middle name or initial anyway? Were there a bunch of other Jesus Christ’s around that they needed to distinguish him?

But I also heard, “JESUS CHRIST ALMIGHTY!” while growing up so I assumed he was a hyphen or a double last name. Ya know like Queen Davis-Parks or Michael Clarke Duncan. I figured Mary was Mary Christ and His Dad, or other Dad, was Joseph Almighty.

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What if the Last Supper was Chinese food take-out? What then? Same result? I doubt it.