People’s Homes

~ Claude Limehouse ~ Leave a comment

Why is it that when you are going to people’s houses to visit for the first time, they feel the need to give you a tour of the entire house? You are pretty much required to go but what’s the purpose of this?

I already have a house. It’s not big but it fills the “house” job description pretty well. So it’s not like I’m thinking about buying their home. Do I really need to see where little Bobby’s room is? (Which you clearly cleaned before we got there) Do I need to see where you do your laundry?

Of course not! This is all about on-the-spot guaranteed positive affirmation…. silly humans.

The household tour will always get positives from you no matter what you really think. You’ll find something….

“Hey, er… nice lamp! Wow! See honey, now THAT’S a lamp!”

It would be rare to hear…

“Wow, have you ever considered changing the color in here? Those drapes don’t work at all. Honey, what do you think? Honey?”

Not likely. Instead your tour guide continues as they show you the perfectly arranged bedroom with the useless and annoying extra pillows. You know…. those little round and rectangle ones that you simply take off the bed at night and replace in the morning. They serve no purpose (outside sex) but are a definite compliment grabber….

“Hey, beautiful pillows…eight of them…. nice! Where? Macy’s?”

Truly, all I really need to know is where the restroom is. That’s it. But even in there it’s annoying and confusing.

Is THIS the time where I’m supposed to use the guest soap and guest towels that no one else has? Or are they for show only, like the pillows? I feel strange washing my hands using tiny scallop shell soaps anyway.

The room is so ridiculously clean when you know that just a few hours ago the mirror had toothpaste splatter and the toilet had little hairs and spots… just like everyone else’s.

It would impress me more if it looked more like a “working” bathroom so that their kids didn’t have to hold off peeing until after the “company” got the tour.

One final thought about house guests… what is the obsession with having to “bring something” if you’re visiting someone? This makes me crazy! I invited you so that you can have some fun, not so that now you have to worry about whether you should bring dessert, flowers or wine. It’s really a silly premise.

I say we end this right now so we can all truly relax. I shouldn’t care if you live in a tent and you shouldn’t either. Well, as long as we have those little pillows in there with us.

#Thoughts

Rex

~ Claude Limehouse ~ Leave a comment

I was in New York City waiting for a bus back to the Hamptons when I noticed a sign taped to a nearby light post. With time to kill, I checked it out.

The sign was very simple. It had a photograph and those clever homemade tear off strips at the bottom. The strips had only a person’s email address on it.

The sign said on top, “FOUND” in big letters. Under that it said, “Tyrannosaurus Rex” Next was the photo of a large toy T Rex. My son had the same one so I was familiar with it. It was modeled after the one in “Jurassic Park.” The entire sign was printed in black and white.

The whole thing was unusual enough but the part that got me was this. Of the ten “rip-off” email addresses, there were only four left.

Are a lot of people in this part of NYC losing this specific type of T Rex toy? I’m thinking why would more than one person need to grab that address?

#Thoughts

#NYC #NewYorkcity, #unusual

Mother’s Day

~ Claude Limehouse

It’s Mother’s Day and we both know,
The strength that you have shown;
In raising three delightful sons,
All now fully grown.

You guided them with wisdom and guided them with love;
At times you showed them discipline but with a velvet glove.

They are your world and you are theirs,
It’s wonderful to see;
That you produced these offspring ( with a little help from me )

I’m a Dad but you’re the Mom, and I will never know;
The feeling that you must have,
In knowing what you know.

The feeling of a little guy emerging from your soul,
The feeling that you made someone whose life has made you whole.

The trials and tribulations have never set you back,
The more that you were challenged, the more that you’d attack.

Be wary Mister Doctor, better listen to my wife; Cause if you don’t, you will at once be fearing for your life.

No one comes between you,
And your loving boys;
If they try, you can’t deny, you’ll muster up some noise.

It’s part of why I love you,
Your greatest masterpiece,
I’m so proud of what you’ve done, it gives me inner peace.

Enjoy your day, This Mother’s Day,
The biggest prize of all;
Your three boys, your pride and joys,
A family that stands tall.

#Poetry

If Only…

~ Claude Limehouse

If only I could be the light,

And be inside your head;

I’d be damn sure to make it right,

And take the pain instead.

I’d show you that the world is yours,

I’d show you how to smile;

I’d take away the slamming doors,

I’d go the extra mile.

If only I could make you see,

The happiness you bring;

How you are the world to me,

How you make me sing.

Growing up is hard to do ,

I really understand;

How difficult it is for you,

To grow to be a man.

Please be strong, you’ll get along,

I’ll help you make it through;

Sometimes it’s right, sometimes it’s wrong,

There’s nothing you can do.

In the end, this too shall pass,

That’s what they always say;

Then you can pass this message on,

To your young son someday.